There’s so many ideas floating in my head. I don’t know how they’re all gonna begin to take shape. Let’s start here — where I’m at.
I’m sitting here waiting for my flight back to Columbus, OH to celebrate one of my best friends as he prepares to get married this weekend. I’m anxious. I’m tired (it’s 7:30am). I’m staring at my bank account that is limited while I’m unemployed.
Each dollar that ticks away feels like a hang nail. Small, painful, and increasingly annoying.
I still haven’t gotten a hold of unemployment (FYI - they suck and I’d step into the octagon with their automated messaging machine).
I’ve only applied to 4 jobs so far and haven’t taken people up on their offer to help — yet. My roommate is taking care of my dog, Sunna, for the first time, which is always anxiety inducing.
Each day that passes feels like I’m digging a deeper grave, inch by inch.
I could be focusing on all of these little bits and pieces that can (and do) overwhelm me.
But.
I am choosing to focus on optimism and positivity.
I choose to focus on the fact that I’m going to see my mom and dad today. I choose to be excited about visiting a place that feels like home. I choose to celebrate life and love this weekend rather than let negativity take over.
I choose to focus on the fact that I’ll have had more hugs with some of my closest friends in the next 24 hours than I’ve had in the last 2 months.
(did I hear someone say toxic positivity🤭? If so I’ll literally fight you)
Why? Because two close mentors recently mentioned to me that they’ve viewed my optimism and my positivity as my super power since day one.
I needed to hear that, and now I need to embrace it.
I’ve always been an optimistic person. I’ve always been someone who knows that I’ll always be okay. That I’ll figure out what I need to.
So this is how this writing will begin to take shape. With Optimism.
I’ve been tired of not:
Having a smile on my face
Not bringing smiles to my friends’ and coworkers’ faces
Seeing people light up because of something they saw online or in real life
Or get excited about the most random little thing like a cookie
There’s enough negativity out there to fill up Shrek’s swamp, and then some. Why should I add to that? There’s absolutely no need. It’d be like taking Gingy’s gumdrop buttons. Cruel.
I want to bring humor, fun, & optimism to this life because that is where energy is best spent.
Today I’m grateful for:
Friend’s offices who have rooftop pools (shout out u Nat, ily mom).
Tank tops. I’m tryna get TANNNNN (I’m so pale. Kiss me, I’m Irish).
Little old men who smoke cigars and read a book in their lawn chair on 88th St (I just wanna pinch your old lil cheek)
Cookies.
Sunna pooping (it’s an important part of a healthy pup, duh).
My sister (I h8 u but ily)
My mom and dad coming to visit me for a day in Columbus.
Having health.
Having life.
Being hot (🥰)
So this is the first idea that is taking shape. To always — or for the most part — include optimism and gratitude in what I do, especially my writing.
I do want to be realistic about this as well, there will be really tough times ahead.
I won’t always be happy. Things will be hard. But at least once a week, I will breathe and take a moment to reflect on the good.
Now you may ask ‘but Colin, what does this mean?’ … omg I’M SO GLAD YOU ASKED.
What you should expect from this: to start - I will be publishing 2x a week. One at the beginning of the week and one at the end. Mondays and Fridays BABYYYYY.
In one of these blogs, I will solely be focused on bringing positivity to your little brain worms. To make them wiggle and writhe with such joy. This will be in the form of fun things I've seen, done, or news I’ve read. You won’t know which day it’ll be. I don’t know which day it’ll be.
And the point there is (I haven’t figured out which day I want it to be) to surprise you on the best day or worst day of the week with a little positivity.
I will also be writing about other fun things that I’m getting up to:
jobs I’m excited about
opportunities/side gigs I’ve been offered
fun things I’m doing around the city (shout out Julia for giving me the idea to go get a psychic reading and write about it)
fun creative things I’m doing — poetry, photography, and other
and generally just about life.
Oh yea… and being single in NYC. I said I’d write about that in the last one, and I will. I’m loving my dating life right now. But more to come on that later (it’s kinda weird being unemployed and dating and that’s probably a whole ass blog post itself).
Lastly: THANK YOU, to everyone who’s shown so much support in my job search and in this new endeavor.
333 of you have read the first post, 13 of you have subscribed, two of you have even said you’d pledge money if I were to charge for this. Your support means an insane amount to me.
And I’m excited to have you along on this journey as it begins to Take Shape.
Day 2. Wrapped. I’m so glad you’re here.
Much luv,
colin scott mortemore
(bet some of u besties didn’t even know my middle name. fake bitches. we ain’t even friends are we?)
Ps. if you’ve not checked out my poetry on Medium you should. A whole 67 other people like it and so should you. Click here for my deepest darkest secrets.