Whaddddupppp buttercups and bowls. It’s Thotty Thursday. Thirsty Thursday. Thoughtful….Thursday? Yea for sure. We all been thotful this week.
Y’all really been leaving me hangin’ though. You weren’t going to tell me my cute lil emojis were lookin’ like the weird uncle in my emails?!? In case you were wondering this is what they were supposed to look like:
Here’s what they apparently looked like:
Who the fuck is she? She’s weird, and not in a good way. Come on Substack, or Apple, or Google. Whoever you are controlling my emoji game, you’re really letting me down. I’m tryna be flirty and sexy and have that RIZZZZZ. Can’t be King Rizzard without emoji game that’s not how this works.
I’m not changing it. These emojis are canon. Just annoyed to the teets with technology smh.
Also yes, teets is in, tits are out. As they should be. #FreeTheNip.
On this Episode of The Long One™️ we’re going to be briefly talking about my interviews and a recap of the week. Obviously we’ll also be talking about something that has been on my mind a lot lately. That’s the whole point of these posts.
I’ve been thinking a lot about money, finances, debt and credit lately. And not in a finance bro way. More philosophically, emotionally and deeper. Like a more reflecting on it’s central role in my anxiety, life, and aspirations. This might be something some of you can relate to, maybe some of you can’t — happy for you it ain’t fun. It’s one of the biggest stressors in my life as I’ve said in previous posts.
We’re all starving artists though, unless you’re being fed, eat that shit up bb girl, I’m proud of you. Leave some crumbs for the rest of us — or better yet, lemme help you set a table for the crew. I’ll even help you cook. We can let the fam take a plate or two home.
Back to the starving artist thing — I think we can all relate to money’s impact on our lives. For better or worse.
So let’s go to the Money Pools and Dive In.
End of Week Update:
This week has been incredible for a number of different reasons.
To start, I’ve had quite a few interviews this week and am moving into the final stages of an interview process.
I’m also interviewing at another company I’m pretty excited about. It feels like a great position to be in — while I continuously remind myself that these are jobs, and my worth isn’t attached to either outcome. I’m being patient, doing what is important to me, protecting my creativity (by letting it fly freely), and acknowledging what I need out of life should a job come my way.
Stay tuned on the job front. It’s picking up.
I’ve also done something that was a big decision — I upgraded my camera equipment for the first time in a long time. And spent a BAG (or 5) doing it.
Was it financially scary? Yea for fucking sure.
Is it what sparked the idea for this post? Uh Huh.
Was it worth it? YEUP. Just look at this raw, unedited, test shot that I took of Sunna. He’s so pretty.
He’s kinda afraid of the camera, that’s fine he’ll get used to it. He’s been a little scaredy cat lately, and I REALLY don’t know why. We’re figuring it out.
He don’t got that dog in him right now. That’s fine, I do. I got enough for the both of us.
I’ve also had more photography gigs coming up. I’m shooting for Bobbi Brown (the makeup company) tomorrow, a friends magazine, and just last night another friend had some gigs she would love to talk with me about.
I quickly surpassed $1k in revenue, and now I’m looking for the next milestone to keep this ball rolling. It’s been nice to be acknowledged and be offered work. I like working — especially when it’s with cool ass people. And again, I take dope ass photos so if you want some 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇 you know what to do.
OR.
Sign up for a photoshoot here — if you’re based in NYC, I’d love to meet you, grab a cup of coffee, and take your photos.
We’re doin’ the DAMN thing. Again (I did this last year too but in Columbus).
I think that’s about it for the recaps, stay tuned for more come Monday. I’m sure this weekend will be eventful and you’re gonna wanna see me fall out of a coconut tree (teaser for the Bobbi Brown event).
Disclaimer:
I talk from a place of privilege and I talk directly from my experience. I recognize that a large population — Low to Middle Income families and folks — might live pay check to pay check and struggle paying for the necessities of life. If this is you — I do not discredit, invalidate, or don’t acknowledge your circumstances. In fact, quite the opposite. I’m sure you have a relationship with money that makes mine look like child’s play.
I am lucky to not be in a position of true scarcity and recognize my privilege here.
Let’s Talk Moola, Baby
Now, time for the center stage. Let’s talk Mr. Money Bags. The Big Cheese. Chedda. Cash Monay. Bread. Paper. The US Dolla.
Money money money, Mr Krabs style.
I’ve been thinking a lot about money lately. Whether that’s because I’m currently unemployed and have minimal cash inflow, and a decent chunk of cash outflow — or because I just spent a lot of money on brand new camera equipment.
I have great credit. I have credit card debt. I have a good idea of my finances. I have student loan debt. I know how much I spend daily, weekly. But I still spend.
I’ve always had an issue spending money. It pains me. Physically makes me feel weird. I hate it. I don’t spend frivolously and very rarely buy things for myself (clothes, shoes, glasses, toys, games, etc). I don’t like it, I have always believed it to be unnecessary/painful/or just generally uncomfy.
Why? Let’s take it backkkkkkkkkk to who I learned finance from — my mother.
Mom I know you read this, no I don’t blame you for the way I think about finances. I do believe I learned the mindset I have because of the way I was brought up. I do want to make it clear — I’m thankful that I am the way I am about finances. I also need to let go a bit and not have a scarcity mindset. There are ways I can leverage the tools I have at my disposal for a better well rounded financial life.
Let’s begin.
The Good Ol’ Middleclass Midwest
I came from a pretty middle income family. Nothing crazy, not poor, not rich. We had just enough and were generally pretty happy, I’d say.
I remember that my mom and dad really did do their best to provide for us — we always had Christmas presents, if we needed clothes we could get some at specific times of the year, never missed a meal. No ‘hardships’ that I could think of.
My Mom retired a few years ago as a Chem Teacher of 35 years. My dad shortly thereafter retired from working for the county as a career counselor for adults with disabilities. Neither of which makes bank, but it provided a good childhood for us.
I remember I received a TON of hand-me-downs. Maybe a new pair of shoes or soccer cleats 1x a year. I never had an ‘excess’ I’d say, however I was taken care of.
I hated asking for things, though. I knew that we didn’t have unlimited funds and I was aware that we couldn’t be stretched thin. My mom maintained us VERY well because she was very good at saying no to things. Something I learned from her. And something I’m unlearning (read: saying YES to more things).
If we wanted something and couldn’t afford it, or just truly didn’t need it - ‘Nah fam we have McDonald’s at home.’
Often I would be told no, or have to wait until Christmas, or have to think long and hard on if I really needed something before even asking my mom if we can get it.
It wasn’t entirely frustrating because I didn’t think much about what a life with unlimited funds could look like. I do believe this instilled in me the critical thinking I have when it comes to finances though, why it takes me so long to make a purchase, and my very ingrained disdain for spending money.
Today, I don’t often think I need something and can make do with what I have. After all, my parents did that. I did that as a kid. I’d run my shoes into the ground until they wouldn’t work. I’d rip right out of my soccer cleats. My shirts would have pit stains and be gross before we tossed ‘em out. And I survived. I lived a good life.
Swiping that card for a $20 pair of shorts? Nah man — I’ll go naked. Thanks tho.
Dropping $100 on a pair of shoes? Nupe. My beat to shit 3 year old sneaks will do just fine.
New video game? Nah, it doesn’t look that fun anyway.
Thrifting on the other hand… yea baby girl lemme see that $1 t shirt on ya. WOOF. I’m barking. Rawr.
HOWEVER. I’m a spender when it comes to experiences, or on other people.
I think that comes from my parents ballin’ out (in relative terms) to take us on vacations yearly. We always went to Myrtle Beach, even before I was born.
Both my parents would take a step back when they would need new clothes. They provided for us and put us first, and that was apparent (lol… a…parent).
I thank them for that. I treat my friends, dates, Sunna, etc well. I like spending money on others, but spending on my self seems unnecessary.
Hopefully they’re putting themselves first now. That’s the least they deserve. And I hope that now I can provide for them in some way.
(Side tangent: apparently my Christmas Gifts were a fucking miss this year because I got them all what they asked for and I believe 3/5 of my gifts were exchanged for something else. I’m PISSED. Y’all MAKE A FUCKING LIST THIS YEAR BEFORE I SPEND ANOTHER BAG ON YA GODDAMN).
Growing up, I learned to really make use of what I have. Not overspend. Take a moment before I swipe my card. And pay attention to where my money is going.
With that, came the very frugal mindset that I carry with me today. I see the account getting smaller and smaller and I’m like nope the drip need to be plugged.
We also never really TALKED about finances in my family. We could have, though it didn’t really feel like a conversation for a kid. I think that should change. We should absolutely talk about our finances with our family — ESPECIALLY with our family.
That will set you up for success when you have to tell a first date you’re happy to pay for this meal but it would be lovely to pay 50/50 should you all keep dating.
That brings me to the next chapter: Today.
I Got Money On My Mind
I think you understand the context of where I come from. A middle class kid that was provided for, and learned a scarcity mindset when he was growing up.
It can explain why it takes a long time for me to make a purchase. Or why I rather spend money on food, experiences, and other people than my own materials.
However, I think much deeper about money. Today this looks like:
Wanting a partner who will split life 50/50.
Managing my bank account on a daily basis.
Having two credit cards and paying those off before I open a better, more useful one.
^ not taking advantage of a balance transfer even though I know I should. It ‘complicates’ things. I have a routine right now. Simplicity is helpful. I get overwhelmed when things get overcomplicated for no reason.
Hating the fact that I have student loans — even if they’re a tool to be used to provide an education for myself. Debt doesn’t feel good, it feels BAD.
Having credit card debt, and loathing that it has grown even though the bank has given me an ever increasing credit line because I’ve never missed a payment.
An internal fear of running out of money even though I know I can fall back on my privilege and at the very worst — move in with my parents (EWWWWWW GROSSSSSS).
Not asking my parents for help because I want them to take care of themselves since they took care of me my entire life. AND ALSO. For me to be independent.
It being embarrassing for me to talk about how fucked my finances may be right now because I only have unemployment coming in (I’m actually doing better than I could be in a NYC summer).
Me being EMBARRASSED TO BE ON UNEMPLOYMENT?!?!?!??! Like wtf — why would I be embarrassed to take advantage of something I PAID INTO.
Chasing a bag my entire career. When it never actually made me happy.
‘Thinking I can do this alone and don’t need a financial advisor’ — I don’t, probably, but it can’t hurt. Just like a therapist or a fitness coach. It’s not a bad idea. I’m just prideful.
Having a budget. That I mostly stick to.
Taking a very long time to make a big purchase — I’ll wait months with a dead laptop before I grab what is now a necessity in life. I need to make sure this is the RIGHT decision.
Being very open about my finances with anyone who asks.
Not having the hesitancy to ask what my coworkers are making.
Not having the hesitancy to share with my coworkers what I am making. (We really should talk more about it — don’t let corporations fuck ya bag up bruh)
Having a spare change jar. I will pick up a penny (ESPECIALLY A HEADS UP ONE) on the street. It’s lucky.
Sighing every time I have an unexpected expense. It’s frustrating.
Anxiety when my safety net thins. It’s my safety net for a reason.
Anxiety when I need to transfer cash from savings to checkings. NOT MY SAVINGS.
Not being afraid to tell a girl she ain’t it for me if she expects me to pay for everything. You’d be surprised at how many women (I’m straight I don’t have experience with men so this probably isn’t a gender/sex thing and more of a dating in the modern day thing) either hardcore respect that decision or immediately ghost you and likely talk about how you’re a broke bitch to their friends. YEA I AM A BROKE BITCH. AND I’M PROUD.
Being insecure about being made fun of for not having an insane amount of money at 27. Lol. I’m 27. I’ve SO much more time to make money. There’s no rush.
AND. a host of other examples.
My relationship with money is both good — and bad. My frugalness has prevented me from doing things I know I would much rather do. My frugalness has made me miss out on important dates, like my dad’s birthday this year.
Or my best-friend’s bachelor party because I knew I was losing my job and would have limited income.
It’s also made me understand cashflows. And how to get back on track when I fall off. It made me good at planning.
It’s made me understand the importance of having a partner who isn’t solely reliant on me (this is personal and in my own life — I want co-independence, not codependence).
My relationship with money has made me realize that I want, more than anything else, stability and security.
I feel my most anxious when I have an unstable income — when I don’t know where my next paycheck is coming from.
I feel my most insecure — not just financially insecure — when I don’t have a job or steady income. I’ve felt like I’m of no value to society or to myself if I’m not bringing in money.
My relationship with money has also taught me that I need to unlearn these things — that I am more valuable than what my bank account says.
My relationship with money has taught me that my career doesn’t mean much. There are enough ways to make money in this world — if you get creative with it.
And that’s where I’m at in life — I’m getting creative with it.
I’m looking for stability (in the form of a day job). For now.
While also supplementing myself and my love with creativity that generates income. I am more comfortable now with instability than I ever have been. And I will continue to practice the separating of my value and security from having money.
I am INVESTING IN MYSELF. Taking the tools of credit, savings, loans/balance transfers and making the most of them. I do not have to be afraid to do this.
I spent nearly $5K on a new camera set up. Then planned how many gigs it’ll take for me to pay that back. Why should I be paying someone else to use a tool that I need, want, and can use when I can be paying myself (in the form of ownership).
It is healthy financial practice to use the tools at your disposal. As long as you’re thinking through what outcome you want. The outcome I wanted? To create the art that I know I’m capable of making — I was passing on photography gigs because the tool I was using was 12 years old.
I was preventing myself from getting to where I know I could be creatively — and the same can be said financially.
I have, and likely always will be, my own biggest hurdle. we’re practicing on getting unstuck in all areas of my life. Including financially.
Let’s Get Dat Bread Bruther.
Philosophically — money is a means to provide me with the life I want. However, I’ve realized it is not something that I need to be prioritizing the way I have for a large portion of my life.
Money, has its place. As a tool. Not a destination. There is no magic number that I can attain that will make me go ‘ah yes, I’m there. I’m happy.’
There’s no amount of money that will be as fulfilling as the people I meet, the experiences I have, the art I create, the jobs that I do, the impact that I have.
Money — is not All Seeing, All Being, All Consuming. Scratch that, it might be all consuming considering we are in a consumer driven society and money is what makes this go round.
I need to let go of the drive to have a fat bank account because I believe this focus has prevented me from actually having a fat bank account.
I, rather, need to spend my time focusing on the way I want to live. The actions that I want to do. The art I want to create. And the jobs/functions/roles I want to be in.
There is literally no end to money — it will always be there. Flowing in, out, up down, wherever.
But there is an end to me, and I rather live a good life chasing myself than chasing a bag that really only has my severed head in it.
It will run you ragged, you’ll be tired, and you’ll be generally unhappy because you’re chasing the ‘Almighty Dollar’.
Like Wu-Tang said, “Cash Rules Everything Around Me” — what they didn’t say is that it doesn’t have to rule you, too.
For me, this was the realization that eased my anxiety and hesitations to invest in myself. We can rule it, and use all the tools at our disposal to make it work for us.
First, I’d recommend ruling yourself. That was my issue. I attached so much of my value to a dollar and so much of my mental wellbeing to having money — when I really should’ve been investing in the things that bring me true joy.
Sometimes debt can feel like a bottomless pit that we’ll never get of. That focus can draw us in, it can feel like it’s all we think about. But we need to remember that it’s not a quick fix, it’s a slow burn.
Nothing good ever came quick and easy — quick and easy is for the 6 ft finance bros you find in East Village for a one night stand who end up staying a bit too long in the morning than what you wanted (ya I’ve heard the stories…).
Tackle it one dollar at a time, and soon you’ll find that breath of fresh air in financial freedom. Or the freedom of not focusing every passing thought on finances.
Let’s free ourselves up to live, and not regret the life we lived when we’re 80. We can’t take this shit with us anyway.
I said positivity posts were today. I lied. It’s Monday. I promise.
Much luv,
colin scott mortemore
(bet some of u besties didn’t even know my middle name. fake bitches. we ain’t even friends are we?)
Ps. if you’ve not checked out my poetry on Medium you should. A whole 76 other people like it and so should you. Click here for my deepest darkest secrets.
Glad you are finding your way to a healthy relationship with money - agree it is something we learn from our families. You are learning it decades before I did and - joy lives forever, money not so much. I must have done something right ! Love your writings Colin.
“Also yes, teets is in, tits are out. As they should be. #FreeTheNip.”
What if I don’t *have* nipples, Colin? Didn’t think about that one, did you?
Anyway. Dumb jokes aside, I love this one, dude. Healing my relationship with money/finances/material resources has been heavy on my mind lately, and this came at just the right time. Thank you for sharing, as always. 🫡